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Love » Romance-intimacy » Love-081104
Can 'Love' Ever Spell Doom In A Marriage?
(Part III)
Can 'Love' Ever Spell Doom In A Marriage? It's the most basic ingredient in a marriage. And yet if love isn't 'true', it can spell doom for a marriage.

Love (Ishq )

A marriage sans love - is that even conceivable? Before you blurt out your almost predictable answer - 'Of course not!' - hold on a minute... not all couples who enter into arranged marriages 'love' each other in every sense of the word.

Quite the contrary. Most often, such would-be partners know of and appreciate a few character traits and the appearance of their potential spouse, and liking what they see (and know) they feel emboldened to take the plunge.


Marriages sans 'Ishq '

So - in a sense, the gushing, over-exuberant kind of love is often conspicuous by its absence from arranged marriages.
Even so, many such unions last a lifetime, perhaps because the partners enter into it with limited expectations from each other!

On the other hand, love marriages often fizzle out if the undying love partners profess for each other isn't true love. In other words, there is love... but not the kind that can sustain a marriage.

Reena and Suresh, met and fell head over heels in love with each other while supervising juniors on the floor of their BPO!

Situational love

At the time, they both worked a night-shift. Invariably, coffee breaks at regular intervals during the night and traveling back home at the break of dawn worked their magic on this good-looking twosome.

Now even though office romances are usually frowned upon in the corporate world, since Reena and Suresh had impeccable records and came clean with their feelings for each other, the company agreed to let them continue in their jobs with the proviso that they agreed to work different shifts in future. In other words, the company didn't want to encourage them to continue to mix romance with office work!

At the time, this hardly seemed a problem. They were ecstatic about being allowed to continue with their jobs post-marriage. The high lasted well into their first few months together. It was round about the fourth month of their marriage that cracks in their togetherness made an appearance.

Love - the foundation of any marriage

'Issues' - such as who gets to work when, the sharing of chores, spending time together (now only possible at week-ends), and so on became reasons to row. Worse still, inspite of the bickering, the issues were not resolved but carried forward.

Soon enough, 'issues' dominated their every conversation. To the point that it appeared to Reena and Suresh that the love they shared had evaporated, in the face of the pressures of everyday living. Full to the brim with negative vibes for each other, the two decided to opt out of their union stating irreconcilable differences.

They thought that they had entered into marriage too soon, without thinking through the little aspects of everyday living so as to ensure that they were wholly compatible.

However much they believed in this being the reason for their marriage to fail, is it true that not talking over things enough was cause for the sorry state of affairs they found themselves in? ...And the basis of love, what should that be?

In truth, while a couple should talk over some major matters that are likely to come up in the course of their married life - such as desiring children, career expectation and the like - it is impossible to predict and go over every potential 'issue' in advance.

In fact, that is neither what love nor a marriage is about. While love is undoubtedly the foundation of marriage, what is the basis of love?

Given the selfish age we live in, it is unlikely for a couple to love each other unconditionally. Nevertheless, love does imply a desire to be with a person and hence, require an inherent willingness to accept each others faults and adjust to circumstances.

Now apply this to Reena and Suresh - what they thought was love, was more their enjoyment or love for the romantic situation they found themselves in. This weaker sibling of true love often comes across as love in the first instance, but is way too weak to sustain a marriage as it fades with time. So as Reena and Suresh realised, once their 'love' had taken the backseat, their minds closed to potential solutions to issues that had cropped up in their marriage - such as switching firms so as to both be in a day job or whatever. Let's just say that no thanks to their solely fun-based perception of love, their egos became overly fragile when faced with marital teething problems!

So you see - true love is a pre-requisite for marriage, anything less signals the end of the road for married partners.
Charu Bahri
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