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Love Marriage and Family Problems in India
Love is a feeling, which really can’t be put into words. It is an unconditional and passionate emotion that acts as a binding factor between two people for eternity. No matter how successful a person is, love is something they would need in every stage of their life. In India people are ‘allowed’ to experience this beautiful feeling only after marriage. But what if a person falls in love before and gets married later?
Indians are yet to grasp the theory of love marriage. Any marriage done without the consent of the parents is demeaning and not acceptable under any circumstances. Many times things get so ugly that parents even disown their children. Things especially get ugly if the marriage is an inter caste marriage. Sadly enough, India, which is a country of many caste and religion, is divided when it comes to matrimony based on the grounds of caste and religion. No matter how educated the parents are they are still reluctant to get their children married in a family of a different caste. They fail to understand that love is not something, which is, bounded my caste.
Matching Of the Horoscope Determines the Prospective Match
The main reason families are against love marriage is because they thoroughly believe in matching the horoscope of the couple before tying the nuptial knot. In many cases it is seen that the ‘kundali’ of the prospective bride and groom doesn’t match. Not matching of the ‘kundalis’ is one of the major issues with love marriages in India. It is believed that the matching of the horoscope is paramount as this is the sole factor, which ensures compatibility, love, longevity and a successful marriage. Yet, the young generation doesn’t believe in this and go ahead marrying the partner of their choice. This in turn results in huge disappointment for the family members. Things get worse when the honeymoon period is over for the couple and they face the real marital problems. At times like these they do not have anyone to resort to, as the parents are actually happy being right. However, had this been an arranged marriage the parents of both the girl and the boy would be ready to move mountains to ensure that the couple is happy.
Marriage Includes the Parents
In India, couples usually live with the groom’s parents even after marriage. When the parents do not approve the bride, the mother-in-law can be a real pain. When the husband goes to work, the wife has to stay for the entire day with the mother-in-law who usually does everything in her power to make life miserable for the wife. They stick their nose in everything possible to break the marriage. Things can get worse if you are marrying a ‘momma’s boy’. Call it insecurity of losing her son to another lady or just not liking the girl, whatever it is, the poor girl suffers. If the guy fails to fix the facet of their relationship such problems might lead to a divorce or separation. Basically, it is the guy who gets stuck between the mother and the wife.
Yes, a little venting is acceptable but bad-mouthing all time puts hell lot of negative energy around. Things get even worse when the situation goes out of family. The family then starts comparing the daughter-in-law to others and makes her a helpless victim. Well, the things can be the other way round too. In many cases it is seen that the wife plays a victim unnecessarily just to separate the husband from his family.
Too Much Time to the Family Leads to No Time for Each Other
Too much distance between the couple after marriage posses another problem. When someone gets married to his/her long time lover, they obviously expect to spend most of their time together. However, due to the extremely big families they are unable to do this. The girl not only becomes a wife but a gets involved in many other relations as well. As a result, her time gets divided and she can barely be with her husband.
Failure to meet the expectations of the family members, especially when the marriage was against their wish may result to a severe backlash. Too much of staying too far for too long may result in the once madly in love couple questioning their marriage and what might have gone wrong. They then usually retort to detachment by putting walls around them and pulling themselves back. The relationship just goes downhill from there.
Homemaker Is the Only Option
At times, before the two marry one another; all the things are discussed before marriage. This involves conversing if the girl will be allowed to work after marriage or not. Yes, in India, the concept of educated girls working after marriage doesn’t go well with the elders. Even though this is changing for better now, still there are families that want their daughter-in-law to stay at home and do the homely chores.
When people get married on their own free will, these matters are usually not discussed before marriage. Most of the young educated girls refuse to compromise on their career after marriage. Matters get out of hand when the husband’s family is against it and they play the ‘because you had a love marriage’ card.
Marriage means producing babies
What is the next step after marriage? According to the elders, it is popping babies. Yes, as soon as you get married, it becomes your sole duty to carry forward the family line and have babies. Any snobbish aunty you meet in parties will not stop talking on why you must have babies right now. Couples who had a love marriage face more problems as parents believe that since they didn’t get married according to their wish they owe this to them. Yes, even if you have had an arranged marriage, you will have this problem. However, love marriages give them a golden opportunity to pressure the couple more.
An Inter Caste Love Marriage Is A Sin
In India, marriages are not only considered sacred and divine but also have a great impact of traditions, which is based on individual religion and caste. The one solid rule made by our ancestors is that the bride and groom must be of the same caste no matter what. If someone breaks this holy rule they are not only disrespecting the society but also God. An inter caste marriage in India creates a lot of problems and negative energy in an auspicious thing like marriage. Love marriages are still accepted by some but an inter caste matrimony has to go through the conviction of religion. Even if you go through different matrimony sites you will find that many people have specified the caste they want their child to get married into.
Most of the inter caste marriages are because of love marriage. When wedlock is an arranged marriage very few parents look for eligible match outside their caste and community. In India, inter caste marriages are still considered as a crime. It is particularly tough to marry someone who doesn’t belong to your own caste. So much it is that maybe your love doesn’t even see the daylight.
The society as well as the parents rarely gives blessings to the couple. Parents who strictly adhere to the norms and customs of the society can leave their children to suffer but not break the traditional rules. They believe that in order to live in a society you need to follow certain regulations failure of which, you don’t deserve to stay with them. If their child gets involved with someone of some other caste, then they not only outcast them but consider it to be a black spot on their name as well as reputation. At times like these, even the society plays Satan and looks down upon the family. The caste bounded society thinks that an inter caste marriage is equivalent to committing a great sin and the person who commits it, deservers to suffer.
Does All The Problems Mean Love Marriages Are Wrong?
This actually depends on individual mentality. If you ask the young adults about their views on love marriage, only a handful of them will be totally against the idea. However, if you ask the elderly people, you will find that many of them are still reluctant and consider love marriages to be a great sin. Whichever way, one thing is for sure; the society is changing and is slowly accepting love marriages for the love and sake of their children.
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