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Understanding sex - Choice is ours
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Sex and Marriage are two of the most sensitive aspects of human life, and obviously, they are closely related to each other. In our society, sex before marriage is regarded as wrong, unethical and immoral. Even after marriage, sex only with your married partner is considered as ethical, moral and legal.
We made this social structure, binding sex and marriage together, for various reasons; but one of the main reasons is to protect woman from being sexually abused, harassed or exploited. When a woman is married, her marital status, and her husband almost act like a shield around her to protect her from being sexually attacked. However, there are people who think exactly the opposite. According to them, "A woman is sexually abused and exploited the most by no one else but by her own husband"...what is called as 'Rape in the marriage'. They say that rape within the marriage is far more inhuman and awful than rape in the outside world.
When a woman is raped in the outside world, she can shout for help, go to the police, and law is on her side... And moreover, it does not happen with every woman all the time. But if the rape is within the marriage, the woman cannot even shout for help. She cannot go to the police, and it happens again and again.
There are people who doubt whether rape truly takes place within marriage. To find out the truth, there was a survey done in USA recently. It revealed that around 80% women had reported having been forced into sex by their husbands more than once since their marriage. If this is the case in USA, then the percentage is expected to be much more in underdeveloped countries.
Another view is that 'love' is more valuable than a formal marriage. If there is no love between husband and wife, and the marriage is merely an arrangement or a contract, then it is just like prostitution. By definition, a prostitute is one who allows sexual intimacy not out of love, but for a material gain. If there is sex between a husband and wife without any feelings of love, then it is no way different from prostitution. According to this view, sex or marriage without love would be termed as immoral.
Irrespective of these views, one thing is sure that whoever has made this moral structure binding sex and marriage together, must have done it with good intentions. Let us understand the intention.
Sex is an 'overpowering' and 'unpredictable' energy. The entire life on this earth is born out of sex. We are all born out of it. This shows its tremendous potential. But at the same time, it is also true, that sex is extremely unpredictable and overpowering. It is difficult to predict how a person will behave when he is possessed by this energy, 'sex'. It cannot be let loose to manifest and express itself recklessly. It needs to be channelised and disciplined. And our ancestors found no other way but to create the 'Institution of Marriage'.
Restricting and disciplining the expression of sex is understandable. But why are we so restrictive about talking and learning about sex?
At this point, I feel like comparing the sexual energy with electricity. Electricity is also a very powerful and unpredictable energy, particularly when it manifests itself as lightning. There was a time when man did not know much about electricity, and used to get scared of it. But he did not remain scared. He studied all the properties and physics of this energy, 'electricity'. He explored the science behind electricity, understood it fully, and harnessed it to serve him.
Today, the entire lifestyle of a modern man is dependent on electricity. The numerous electrical gadgets and equipments are available today only because of the invention of electricity. If man had remained scared of electricity, only because it is powerful and unpredictable, he would have remained deprived of all the technological developments and comforts.
Similarly, if we study the properties and science behind this energy 'sex', we will be able to use it creatively to better the of quality of human life. And this is exactly what was achieved at one time in ancient India by the sages and mystics. The Kamasutra and other Indian scriptures on Tantra give a complete understanding of this energy.
It is high time that we re-open these scriptures and also our doors to study sexuality. Remaining scared of sex has not helped us. We will have to gather the courage to look at sex and sexuality more healthily and scientifically. India can once again guide the entire world in this direction.
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Dr. Rajan Bhonsle
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