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Health » Sexual-health » Self-esteem-sex-rel-050506
 
Sexual relationships and self-esteem
On what does the survival of a relationship rest?

I was driving through the crowded roads, and predictably my car got stuck in a traffic bottleneck. With nothing else to do, my eyes started roving around and rested on a strategically placed signboard. It read - If you want to keep your husband in your hands and never have to fear that he will look around elsewhere - come to our beauty and fitness center. Facilities offered - Beauty treatments, Body sculpting, Weight-loss program, Breast enlargement, Liposuction and Cosmetic surgery.

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Sexual relationships and self-esteem There was such a blatant use of fear and greed that it filled me with disgust. It became undoubtedly clear to me that the survival of the relationship between a man and a woman was dangerously resting on the delicate rope of self-esteem, and how easy it was for it to break either by the partners themselves or by such crass advertisements.

I know of so many people who have suffered irreparable damage, emotional and physical, in their intimate relationships because of low self-esteem. Some relationships ended in actual physical separation, some continued living together but had no sexual relationship, out of these a few had extramarital affairs.

To quote a few cases; a newly married girl was laughingly told by her husband that she has 'thunder thighs'. She cringed at the remark, refused to undress in front of her husband and was stiff and awkward whenever they were intimate. She subsequently became a victim of Anorexia Nervosa, lost a lot of weight, was depressed and was obsessed with the weighing scale and measuring tape. Finally, she separated from her husband. She now hopes to find someone who values her more than certain parts of her body and loves her as a complete being.

She is not the only victim; there are many more. In yet another case, the young wife was aware of her husband's obsession with big breasts. So she went in for an expensive and painful silicon breast implant. But as fate would have it, she developed breast cancer when she was just 32. She had to have the implants and even one of the breasts removed, had chemotherapy, lost all her hair and also lost her husband probably to a woman with big breasts.

The media too has a large role to play in reinforcing the body image to be followed, by both man and woman, to be sexually attractive to the opposite sex, as if that is, and should be, the only criterion in the relationship of man and woman. There has been an increasing focus on the outer beauty to be attractive to our mates, and to experience marital bliss. Moreover, this has even been told to us, by none other than our so-called unconditionally accepting parents.

Now to discuss some cases about men. A married man was once told by his wife that he wasn't man enough because he would not stand up to his father's domination. He became impotent with his wife for two years. His manhood was so deeply hurt that he could not perform sex. He would have a normal erection while watching TV or a photograph of an attractive woman in a magazine, but when it came to his wife, he just fell impotent. Finally the wife, through counselling saw the root cause, and just by acknowledging her husband's endeavors in other spheres, struck some connection with him again. She was guided to repeatedly appreciate him. Gradually, their sex life resumed normalcy.


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